Dessie And The Major

A series of cricketing adventures starring The Major (retired) (Territorials) and his long-term Indian companion, Dessie. First published on ESPN Cricinfo during the Summer of 2012, with West Indies and then South Africa touring, and the Kevin Pietersen affair typifying the ever-growing discontent between traditional and Twenty20 cricket

“Do you know Major,” said Dessie, my long-time Indian cohabitant, as we stood in the rain at Edgbaston. “I rather think the world might be a better place altogether if Birmingham were to be entirely covered over.”

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Dessie And The Major, Part VI

Dessie And The Major

Dessie and I spent the day at Trent Bridge. We went in fancy dress, partly to enter into the spirit of the occasion, and partly because Dessie pointed out that being identified at a T20 match could compromise my position on the select committee of the International Coalition to Stamp Out Short-Form Cricket.

Dessie And The Major, Part V

Dessie And The Major

As we menaced Nick Knight out of his lunch money around the back of the Edgbaston pavilion, Dessie turned to me and said: “It is this unmanly carrying-on about missing the birth of children that I find most unfathomable.”

Dessie And The Major, Part IV

Dessie And The Major

I switched off the television. I began a strongly worded letter urging Sky Sports News presenter Charlie Webster (a female) to change her name to something more feminine-sounding, like a Virginia, a Persephone or a Ravi.

Dessie And The Major, Part III

Dessie And The Major

Since I last wrote to you, Dessie and I have had rather a torrid time of things, and I am sorry to say that we are now wanted by the authorities on two continents.

Dessie And The Major, Part II

Dessie And The Major

Dessie and I were sitting in the drawing room, watching the rain trickle dispiritingly down the window pane and attempting to keep our spirits up with a Terry’s Chocolate Orange.

Dessie And The Major, Part I

Dessie And The Major

The day took an alarming turn for the worse when Dessie spotted Sir John Major getting out of an official-looking car on the St John’s Wood Road